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In Bed
By Jonathan Elmore
Copyright © 2011 by Jonathan Elmore
Approximate Running Time: 10 Minutes
A couple wakes up to get ready for a wedding, but the topic of conversation turns from the wedding to their questionable relationship.
JILL - any age, is in pajamas
BRIAN - similar age, is in pajamas
With a name change and a few pronoun changes this could be performed as a gay or lesbian play as well.
Play takes place entirely in a bed with a night table and a clock. Brian still sleeps as Jill awakes.
JILL: Ugh…we need to get up. (No response) Wake up. We’ve got to get ready to go to Trish’s wedding.
BRIAN: (Mumbling into pillow unintelligibly)
JILL: What?
BRIAN: Cary and Trish. It takes two to get married.
JILL: Not necessarily. Remember that pagan wedding we went to last year. Do you bride and bride take you groom and groom for a year and a day? I’m pretty open minded, but that was a little weird.
BRIAN: It was weird that both of the men were named Mark.
JILL: Oh, I forgot about that. Mark Mark. Sounds like a dog with a speech impediment. (Looks at the clock and sighs) We’re going to be late.
BRIAN: You know, we didn’t even tell anyone that we were coming. We could just send them a card and a gift certificate to a spa and we could go have fun today.
JILL: I don’t know. If we were getting married, I’d want as many people there as I could get.
BRIAN: Not if we had an open bar. All of your friends are lushes. We’d be broke by the end of the night.
JILL: They are not lushes! (Smacks his arm) And why do you always call them my friends. They’re your friends too.
BRIAN: Most of your friends don’t even know my last name. They cordially greet me at the door and don’t speak to me the rest of the evening. Don’t say it’s not true.
JILL: You’re just paranoid. My friends love you…our friends love you.
BRIAN: I’d believe it if I ever heard it. (Pause) How long have Trish and Cary been seeing each other?
JILL: About two years. They met at the birthday party we threw for Priscilla. That was such a great evening. Two or three couples met at that party.
BRIAN: Whatever happened to Peterrr…Priscilla person?
JILL: Peter officially became Priscilla close to Christmas last year. She had been saving for it for years and finally had enough to get the operation.
BRIAN: There’s two things about that I don’t understand. First, how does one come to the decision to…change that dramatically? And second, how the hell do you keep up with information like that?
JILL: Well, I don’t understand how you don’t care enough to keep up with people. You didn’t know Tara went into the hospital for knee surgery. You didn’t know that Karen and Theresa broke up. You didn’t know Jimmy died. Are you always in your own little world? Do you not care about anyone?
BRIAN: Of course I care about people. It’s just most people that we know are so over the top dramatic I tune them out most of the time. And Jimmy died while I was in Aruba, so that doesn’t count.
JILL: But you didn’t even bother to find out where he was laid to rest.
BRIAN: He was never in my circle of friends. Why would I need to find out?
JILL: You’re so self-centered. Do you even care what happens to me?
BRIAN: Of course I do! You’re why I get up in the mornings. You’re why I work so hard. I think about you all day. (No response) What do you want me to say?
JILL: I don’t know. Where do you think this relationship is going?
BRIAN: It’s going to breakfast if we can get up a get dressed.
JILL: See, I’m being serious and you’re joking.
BRIAN: I’m not joking. You think too deeply about things and it makes you crazy, especially when I don’t join in on the philosophical discussion.
JILL: But I need to have philosophical discussions with you.
BRIAN: Why!?
JILL: Because that’s what couples do…they talk.
BRIAN: Yeah, about people and food and movies, not about the inner workings of my psyche.
JILL: That’s where you and I differ.
BRIAN: (Pause) So, are we going to get ready for this wedding?
JILL: I’m not even sure I want to go anymore. You’ve ruined the romance of the day.
BRIAN: Oh, I didn’t ruin anything. Weddings aren’t romantic. They’re pomp and ceremony to show how much money you have…or don’t have. Remember…
JILL: Not romantic!? What kind of monster are you? Of course they’re romantic! Two people making the solemn vow to spend the rest of their lives together.
BRIAN: Followed by booze, cake and sex.
JILL: (Flatly) I don’t even know you anymore.
BRIAN: Are we going or not?
JILL: You know what? I don’t want you to go. I’m going by myself to this beautiful ceremony. You can stay here and wallow in your self absorption.
BRIAN: Can I go to IHOP and wallow while I have pancakes?
JILL: (Pause) I’m not sure, but I may hate you right now.
BRIAN: Look, I’m still tired and a little hung over so I’m not really being intelligent or fair.
JILL: And the understatement of the year award goes to Brian Harrison.
BRIAN: I deserve that. So what time is the wedding?
JILL: Why should I tell you? You’re not going.
BRIAN: Come on. I want to go because you want to go. I’d just like to have some coffee before we sit through it.
JILL: Fine. It starts at 2:00.
BRIAN: See that gives us (Looks at the clock) two hours to get ready, get something to eat, and get to the church.
JILL: It’s not in a church.
BRIAN: Well, we’ll still have enough time to get to the…
JILL: Japanese Gardens
BRIAN: Okay…why are they getting married there? Do you know how hot it gets in that place?
JILL: You can’t go ten minutes without being negative.
BRIAN: It’s not that. Those gardens are basically a giant greenhouse. I’m not wearing a suit.
JILL: It’s an afternoon wedding. You don’t wear a suit anyway.
BRIAN: Good.
JILL: You could wear that shirt I bought you to wear to the New Year’s Eve party.
BRIAN: I thought you got rid of it after the great merlot incident.
JILL: No, I washed it right away. It came out all right.
BRIAN: The New Year’s shirt it is then. Can we go eat now?
JILL: Is that all you can think about?
BRIAN: Again, I’m a little hung over so coffee is becoming very important to me. And as long as I’m having coffee, I may as well have some pancakes.
JILL: Your single mindedness still amazes me.
BRIAN: Thank you.
JILL: I’m not sure that was a compliment.
BRIAN: We should get going.
JILL: Yeah. (Pause) We could just send them a card and a gift certificate.
BRIAN: It’s up to you.
JILL: Meh…why don’t we get some pancakes and then go see a movie instead?
BRIAN: I thought you’d never ask.
Blackout
Copyright © 2011 by Jonathan Elmore
By Jonathan Elmore
Copyright © 2011 by Jonathan Elmore
Approximate Running Time: 10 Minutes
A couple wakes up to get ready for a wedding, but the topic of conversation turns from the wedding to their questionable relationship.
JILL - any age, is in pajamas
BRIAN - similar age, is in pajamas
With a name change and a few pronoun changes this could be performed as a gay or lesbian play as well.
Play takes place entirely in a bed with a night table and a clock. Brian still sleeps as Jill awakes.
JILL: Ugh…we need to get up. (No response) Wake up. We’ve got to get ready to go to Trish’s wedding.
BRIAN: (Mumbling into pillow unintelligibly)
JILL: What?
BRIAN: Cary and Trish. It takes two to get married.
JILL: Not necessarily. Remember that pagan wedding we went to last year. Do you bride and bride take you groom and groom for a year and a day? I’m pretty open minded, but that was a little weird.
BRIAN: It was weird that both of the men were named Mark.
JILL: Oh, I forgot about that. Mark Mark. Sounds like a dog with a speech impediment. (Looks at the clock and sighs) We’re going to be late.
BRIAN: You know, we didn’t even tell anyone that we were coming. We could just send them a card and a gift certificate to a spa and we could go have fun today.
JILL: I don’t know. If we were getting married, I’d want as many people there as I could get.
BRIAN: Not if we had an open bar. All of your friends are lushes. We’d be broke by the end of the night.
JILL: They are not lushes! (Smacks his arm) And why do you always call them my friends. They’re your friends too.
BRIAN: Most of your friends don’t even know my last name. They cordially greet me at the door and don’t speak to me the rest of the evening. Don’t say it’s not true.
JILL: You’re just paranoid. My friends love you…our friends love you.
BRIAN: I’d believe it if I ever heard it. (Pause) How long have Trish and Cary been seeing each other?
JILL: About two years. They met at the birthday party we threw for Priscilla. That was such a great evening. Two or three couples met at that party.
BRIAN: Whatever happened to Peterrr…Priscilla person?
JILL: Peter officially became Priscilla close to Christmas last year. She had been saving for it for years and finally had enough to get the operation.
BRIAN: There’s two things about that I don’t understand. First, how does one come to the decision to…change that dramatically? And second, how the hell do you keep up with information like that?
JILL: Well, I don’t understand how you don’t care enough to keep up with people. You didn’t know Tara went into the hospital for knee surgery. You didn’t know that Karen and Theresa broke up. You didn’t know Jimmy died. Are you always in your own little world? Do you not care about anyone?
BRIAN: Of course I care about people. It’s just most people that we know are so over the top dramatic I tune them out most of the time. And Jimmy died while I was in Aruba, so that doesn’t count.
JILL: But you didn’t even bother to find out where he was laid to rest.
BRIAN: He was never in my circle of friends. Why would I need to find out?
JILL: You’re so self-centered. Do you even care what happens to me?
BRIAN: Of course I do! You’re why I get up in the mornings. You’re why I work so hard. I think about you all day. (No response) What do you want me to say?
JILL: I don’t know. Where do you think this relationship is going?
BRIAN: It’s going to breakfast if we can get up a get dressed.
JILL: See, I’m being serious and you’re joking.
BRIAN: I’m not joking. You think too deeply about things and it makes you crazy, especially when I don’t join in on the philosophical discussion.
JILL: But I need to have philosophical discussions with you.
BRIAN: Why!?
JILL: Because that’s what couples do…they talk.
BRIAN: Yeah, about people and food and movies, not about the inner workings of my psyche.
JILL: That’s where you and I differ.
BRIAN: (Pause) So, are we going to get ready for this wedding?
JILL: I’m not even sure I want to go anymore. You’ve ruined the romance of the day.
BRIAN: Oh, I didn’t ruin anything. Weddings aren’t romantic. They’re pomp and ceremony to show how much money you have…or don’t have. Remember…
JILL: Not romantic!? What kind of monster are you? Of course they’re romantic! Two people making the solemn vow to spend the rest of their lives together.
BRIAN: Followed by booze, cake and sex.
JILL: (Flatly) I don’t even know you anymore.
BRIAN: Are we going or not?
JILL: You know what? I don’t want you to go. I’m going by myself to this beautiful ceremony. You can stay here and wallow in your self absorption.
BRIAN: Can I go to IHOP and wallow while I have pancakes?
JILL: (Pause) I’m not sure, but I may hate you right now.
BRIAN: Look, I’m still tired and a little hung over so I’m not really being intelligent or fair.
JILL: And the understatement of the year award goes to Brian Harrison.
BRIAN: I deserve that. So what time is the wedding?
JILL: Why should I tell you? You’re not going.
BRIAN: Come on. I want to go because you want to go. I’d just like to have some coffee before we sit through it.
JILL: Fine. It starts at 2:00.
BRIAN: See that gives us (Looks at the clock) two hours to get ready, get something to eat, and get to the church.
JILL: It’s not in a church.
BRIAN: Well, we’ll still have enough time to get to the…
JILL: Japanese Gardens
BRIAN: Okay…why are they getting married there? Do you know how hot it gets in that place?
JILL: You can’t go ten minutes without being negative.
BRIAN: It’s not that. Those gardens are basically a giant greenhouse. I’m not wearing a suit.
JILL: It’s an afternoon wedding. You don’t wear a suit anyway.
BRIAN: Good.
JILL: You could wear that shirt I bought you to wear to the New Year’s Eve party.
BRIAN: I thought you got rid of it after the great merlot incident.
JILL: No, I washed it right away. It came out all right.
BRIAN: The New Year’s shirt it is then. Can we go eat now?
JILL: Is that all you can think about?
BRIAN: Again, I’m a little hung over so coffee is becoming very important to me. And as long as I’m having coffee, I may as well have some pancakes.
JILL: Your single mindedness still amazes me.
BRIAN: Thank you.
JILL: I’m not sure that was a compliment.
BRIAN: We should get going.
JILL: Yeah. (Pause) We could just send them a card and a gift certificate.
BRIAN: It’s up to you.
JILL: Meh…why don’t we get some pancakes and then go see a movie instead?
BRIAN: I thought you’d never ask.
Blackout
Copyright © 2011 by Jonathan Elmore