Jonathan Elmore: Actor & Writer
  Jonathan Elmore: Actor & Writer
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Just...Look!

2/12/2017

 
When I'm not acting and writing, I run a liquor store. Obviously, that means I deal with the public a lot. Most people I talk to have some semblance of intelligence. They might not be formally educated but they can field dress a deer in the freezing rain. I certainly can't, so that makes them smarter than me in that arena. However, there are some people that don't seem to have any redeeming qualities. They are taking up space and wasting oxygen. Case in point, an annoying man came in speaking too loudly and seemed to be overly happy to be alive and in a liquor store. He asked where the Tequila was. I gave him the standard answer, "Over on the wall about halfway down the aisle." He said,"Okay." He goes to that area and looks around. From my seat at the counter, I can see that he isn't finding what he's looking for. I ask, "Was there a particular Tequila that you were looking for?" He said, "Well, do you have any other Tequilas besides this 1800?" I was confused because the 1800 is completely surrounded by 48 other Tequilas. It's literally right in the fucking middle of the Tequila section. There's Tequila above, Tequila to both sides, and Tequila below. If you glanced in any direction you couldn't NOT see more Tequila. He was looking for Jose Cuervo gold. I said, "It's directly beneath the 1800. One shelf down." He said, "I'm not seeing it." I said, "Really? It's on the shelf right under where you're looking right now." He finally spots it and grabs a half gallon of one of the worst excuses for Tequila that I've ever had. I would imagine that our Mexican brothers wouldn't even give that stuff to their dogs. They sell gobs of it and it's not even 100% Tequila. It's 51% Tequila and 49% sugar alcohol. Why do you get a headache after binge drinking Cuervo? Because the impurities get lodged in your brain and have to work their way out. Honestly, if that guy had so much trouble spotting it on the shelf, he deserves a hangover.

What he taught me was there are simply stupid people in the world. I know it. You know it. But we don't really encounter them all that often. So this guy goes into my file of characters because he is real. Seeing a guy on screen or in a play that acted like that may seem overly dramatic or bigger than life. But I know for sure that he exists. Idiot.


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